"Woe to me!" I cried, "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty."
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips, your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
He said, "Go and tell this people,
Be ever hearing, but never understanding,
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.
Make the heart of this people calloused,
make their ears dull,
and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears.
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."
Then I said, "For how long, O Lord?"
And he answered,
"Until the cities lie ruined
and without inhabitant
until the houses are left deserted
and the fields ruined and ravaged."
Lately I have been wondering why God seems to be so far away. Everyday has been a monotonous drone of school work, activities etc. and though I've continued to do QT, it just feels as though all I am doing is just going through the motions.
And as I knelt down today before the Lord, bringing before Him a whole host of worries, anxieties, requests, frustrations, pleading... Suddenly I just felt so weary. I had been praying for comfort and strength, but my faith seemed to be a mere flicker of flame amidst all the dark, looming 'giants' in life. My heart and mind was in turmoil, but then I turned to Isaiah 6, next on my reading chapter for the day for the Old Testament.
In the presence of the Almighty God, even Isaiah, a holy, righteous prophet of God, was humbled, realizing that He was 'a man of unclean lips'. The angel of the Lord then came with a piece of hot coal, and scalding his lips, told Isaiah, "your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for". When Isaiah came into the Lord's presence, all the troubles and worries were instantly forgotten, his entire person was stripped bare into utter dependence upon the Lord, his life and his salvation.
What are we like when we come before the Lord? I've realized lately, that in facing all the obstacles and 'giants' in both my school, home and spiritual life, I've been coming to the Lord with a host of requests, asking Him for strength, comfort, peace... and all the while focusing on everything and anything, but Him.
Why is God silent with us sometimes? Often, in the flurry of distractions and worries, we may tend to rush headlong into everything, only then at the end of the day coming into prayer before the Lord, asking Him to make it right again... but never asking Him about the right thing to do, what He wants us to do. I've suddenly started to realize the many countless instances throughout this week when I've put work first, put my pride first, put friends (yes even friends) first, before God. Those countless times when I could have stopped to say a quick prayer with a friend, or minister to those dear brothers and sisters of mine waiting at the roundabout, lonely and wrapped up in their own worlds. Or that time when I wanted to share a bible verse with a sister, then hesitated, thinking maybe now isn't the time, or she'll think I'm being strange...
Then I realized that all this while, God has been trying to speak to me, but I haven't been listening. And so I decided to write this today, my dear brothers and sisters, to urge you and to warn you, with love.
Are we focusing too much on the giants all around us, coming to the Lord with a whole shopping list of requests, deceiving ourselves with the comfort of lies? Or will we be like Isaiah, humbled, silent, and obedient before the Lord, realizing that our lives are utterly dependent upon Him?
Let us learn to be silent before the Lord. Let's stop focusing on all the troubles of this world, but instead just simply say, "Here am I. Send me!" And it will be a long, arduous journey ahead; the road will not be easy. But I promise you, brothers and sisters, there will be much joy - no, not happiness, for she is a fickle mistress - but true joy, that loving, loyal and everlasting companion. And for how long? "Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged."
I once read, "What does it mean to live as a child of God, to be a witness? It simply means to live in such a way that one's life would not make sense if God didn't exist."
If God didn't exist, would our lives of schoolwork, assignments, CCAs still make sense? God's Word isn't just a medicine for healing our hurting bodies in this ravaged world, His Word makes new our bodies, changing our lives, making these hurting bodies whole and beautiful again. Being a witness doesn't mean we start engaging in propaganda to convert people, stirring up movements of hatred and violence. Rather, it starts with that simple act of childlike faith, placing our hand in His and letting Him lead the way.
I'm sorry Lord, for not hearing your voice. Teach me to be silent. Teach me to truly put you first and place my life in your hands, forever.
- Petrina
Psalms 13
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God,
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
How I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.
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