Forgiveness

Believe it or not, it is harder to receive an apology gracefully than to issue one. Over the last few weeks, God has been putting me through much conflict with certain friends, nearly over and over. Throughout the course of it, one thing that I really found out, which also surprised me greatly, was that it was easier to issue an apology than to accept one.

People have pride. Holding onto and bearing grudges against a person brings much misery and weariness. Sometimes during quarrels, many people choose to wait for the other person to apologize first, and many refuse to make the first move. One thing that I have discovered, was that although it may seem ‘satisfying’ to be the one keeping the pride while the other throws his or hers away for your sake, holding onto the anger and unhappiness while waiting for the first move to be made may prove to be painful and bitter. My life since the start of 2009 was filled with much bitterness due to a course of quarrels with several friends. I know that pride is my big weakness, and because of that, I have given Satan a foothold in my life.

Several friends have been immensely caring, noticing and asking me why I constantly look so emo and tired during the start of school this year. Yes true, I was perpetually unhappy and tired simply because I was nursing many grudges and bitterness towards friends with whom I fought. Thinking back, I realized that the root of all my misery and unhappiness is simple: unforgiveness. Have you ever realized how tiring it is to bear a grudge? You have to remember why you are unhappy with the person. I always refused to make the first move to apologize; I hated to admit that I was wrong no matter how ridiculous I sound. In this sense, I realized that I rated myself much higher than others, which ironically, had not made me happy but instead, bitter. By and by as time passed until about last week, I started to learn to make the first move to apologize. The lessons that came with it are amazing. It relieved me of my unhappiness and bitterness. When I made the first move, I realized how much courage it must have taken for the other person to do so. But after that I felt much happier, after I forgave and threw away all grudges I bore. Upon doing so, I grew to respect the other person so much more, when I reflected and realized that that person had been forgiving me and apologizing over and over so frequently, although many a time it was my mistake and willfulness that caused the disputes.
Learn to lay down pride. It is extremely difficult, I myself can account for that as it has always been a big weakness of mine. However, consider the way Jesus gave His pride up for us by allowing himself to be humiliated and crucified the way a thief would be. If Jesus can lay down all pride for our sake, shouldn’t we learn to do the same? Start with the people closest to your heart. As Christians, we know we have to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22 KJV “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”)


God is still teaching me, and yes I have fallen over and over again, but each time, God reminded me why I have to learn to forgive by reminding me of the times when I chose to forgive and the feeling of peace and joy that accompanied it.

If you’re waiting for someone to realize that they owe you an apology, take some time to think of a response that reflects genuine forgiveness and allows the other person to feel that he or she has retained your respect. Making the first move is tough, but it is easier than taking the time and energy to harbor grudges. At the same time, show the person that you still care, which may really go a long way, whether you know it or not.


Samantha Wong